


The Years Between Were My Life

by AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, re-post from 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2019-10-11 04:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17439713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell/pseuds/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell
Summary: She's his strength. He's her weakness.





	The Years Between Were My Life

**Author's Note:**

> And a BIG special thank you goes to the wonderful clairebare for beta reading!

**The Years Between Were My Life**

.

.

.

Sometimes she wonders when his hell became hers,

_(wonders when his need for revenge became her own-)._

Sometimes she wonders when the thin line between _him_ and _her_ vanished and they became _one,_

_(wonders when she fell in love with him-).  
_

.

There are days she wants to leave-

days she wants to run as far away as possible-

_(because she already knows-)_

in the end she's going down with him.

(No matter what).

.

It's his anger and his hatred that's rushing through her vains-

consuming her-

_(like a fire)-_

eating her up slowly.

_Day by Day._

.

She sheds his tears,

_(alone)-_

in the darkness of her own bedroom.

Praying for some sort of solution,

_(for him)-_

_(for her)-_

For all of them.

.

She's his heaven,

_like he is her road to hell._

His pain is tearing her apart –

_(clouding her mind)-_

clouding her judgement.

_(Making her weak.)_

She's his strength,

_but he's her weakness._

.

She's not sure if he knows-

not sure if he cares-

_(he is too broken)-_

_(far too broken)_

– and she knows that she can't fix it-

_(can't fix him)-_

but she tries anyway.

(She can't stand the thought of losing him).

.

_Good luck Teresa. Love you._

She can't stop thinking about it,

but he already forgot.

_(It's a lie through and through)._

Falling in love had never been part of his plan-

so he simply doesn't.

_(He can't)._

Maybe it's the right thing to do.

_(Maybe)._

.

One night it just happens-

_(they just give in)-_

one moment they are screaming and yelling at each other-

and the next his lips are crashing down on hers and everything stands still.

They are both damaged-

_(and it's wrong)_

_(so wrong)-_

but when he pushes her back against the wall of her office,

_(kissing her like no one ever had)-_

she tells herself that it's alright.

_(Let go)._

_(Just let go)._

For one moment there's no guilt, no anger and no pain-

– just love.

_(At least that's what she tells herself)._

.

When it's over-

the air is hot and heavy and the silence between them suffocating.

Her lips are bruised-

her heart shattered.

_(Far beyond repair)-_

(just like the pictures and papers lying on the floor).

„I'm sorry,“ he finally whispers into the dark,

gathering his clothes and fleeing the room.

_(Leaving her.)_

_(Again)._

That's all it takes to break her.

.

He comes back-

_(of course)-_

like he always does.

And it happens again and again-

_(like they lifted some kind of spell)._

They both know it's wrong.

_(In so many ways)._

It hurts-

but it's the only thing he can offer-

_(Pain)-_

_(Darkness)-_

_(Death)-_

and she's willing to take whatever he's able to give.

It's his redemption-

_and her ruin._

.

_Maybe,_

He tells her one night

_(maybe)-_

maybe if things were different.

But they both know that's not true.

If things were different they wouldn't have met in the first place.  
.

She wants to hate him-

_(really wants to)-_

but instead she just hates herself-

_(for being weak)-_

and vulnerable.

(Just because of him).

_For loving him-_

even when he doesn't love her back.

(At least not the same way she does).

.

She's his bait,

_(his way to catch Red John)-_

_(to tease him)-_

to bring _him_ down.

(To kill him in the end).

She's not sure if it had been his plan all along,

_(maybe)-_

_(maybe not)-_

she's not sure if she really wants to know.

.

One day,

_he's going to leave-_

she already knows.

(Because he told her).

_(The honest thing he ever said)._

And she knows it's selfish,

_(and horrible)-_

_and she will rot in hell for it-_

but a part of her broken mind

(and her shattered soul)-

_– wants Red John to live-_

so he will stay.

(Right beside her).

_(She's ashamed of herself for even thinking about it)._

.

She knows she will follow him into the dark-

_(and through)-_

like she already did so many times before.

She's willing to do anything-

anything to end his endless nightmare.

_(To set him free)._

And she will stay-

_(until the end)-_

willing to sacrifice everything-

_(even her own life)-_

in order to give him the peace he so desperately seeks.

Maybe it's love-

_(maybe it's just stupid)-_

but she's already doomed anyway.

.

One day-

_(whenever he may come)-_

_– loving him-_

will be the death of her.

The scary thing is-

_she doesn't even care._

.

I love you.

.

.

.


End file.
